B.Z. Mann regularly flies internationally for work.
He sent in some tips from 30,000 feet.
Preparation
Use the restroom before boarding the plane, not during boarding. There is time, really. People with a 42-minute connection window make it from Terminal A to Terminal D in the Atlanta airport and stop to pee every single day. You can do it, too.
Prepare your bags so they can be stowed quickly after you find your seat. Stage the stuff that you want to use during the flight strategically in your bag so you can get it out in 10 seconds or less.
Shower and brush your teeth. Maybe even use some mouthwash and deodorant. You are going to be sitting closer to a stranger than you sat next to your significant other on the sofa last night. It would be great if you didn’t stink for several hours.
Boarding
Know your seat number and where it is on the plane. Every airline has an app and a website that has a seat map. Take 1 minute to know how the plane is set up and where you need to go. Don’t walk past your row. You aren’t a salmon. Swimming against the current of the others boarding causes delays and frustration for everyone.
Carry your bag in front of you and push your roller bag in front of you down the aisle. Walk straight. If you turn left, the backpack that trails your backside by 12” or more will clobber the person to your right. Ignorance of your personal space is not an excuse, and no one cares if you are sorry.
Do NOT put your luggage in an overhead bin behind your seat. How do you think this is going to play out when everyone stands up to get their stuff and prepares for deplaning? If the bins are full, ask the flight attendant to gate check your bag. If there is room, they probably can find a spot for it in the first-class closet.
Personal space
Check with the person behind you before reclining. They might not like it if you’re going to take up that precious extra 3 inches, but at least you will give them a warning to move their laptop, so you don’t mash their screen.
The seat in front of you is not a handle to help you get out of your seat. Same for walking up and down the aisle. If there is turbulence, brace yourself using the overhead bins if you really have to.
Middle seat people get the arm rests, but not your seat space. The other person paid for their seat and its ok for me…. I mean the person sitting in the window seat… to tell you to please keep your elbows out of their air space. Sorry you are stuck in a middle seat. Book your ticket earlier and pick a better seat. Again, sorry your life sucks for 4 hours and 22 minutes.
If you are sitting in the aisle seat, put the arm rest up, if it can move, and give the poor bastard in the center seat a couple more inches. It’s just polite.
Doing work on the table tray? Elbows are not ok crossing the armrest border. Get a smaller laptop or use a tablet. Read emails and save the report writing for the hotel, Mr. Business Traveler.
When to go
Use the restroom before the flight attendants start service in the main cabin. Do you really think you can squeeze past that cart and not put your butt in the face of the person sitting in an aisle seat?
If you are in the center or window seat, and you have even the slightest idea you may have to pee, get up and go at the same time the person in the aisle does.
Family travel
Talk to your kids about how to behave on a plane. And follow through. No one wants to see Junior looking at them through the gap between the seats. It’s a rule that babies will cry on planes, and everyone accepts that, even though they don’t like it. However, if Little Miss can walk on her own, we don’t need to hear her jabbering for the whole flight.
Very important. If you are on a family vacation and you all splurged for International Business Class for that overnight flight to Amsterdam, expect an actual business traveler to say something to you when little Billy and grandma are sharing the laydown seat and talking about the movie while others are trying to sleep. Three to four hours of sleep are really important for starting an overseas business trip. If you want to party, buy a couple rows of seats in the back of the plane. You will probably save money, too.
Your husband did something stupid before boarding the flight. We don’t need to hear about it while you tell him again. We already know he fucked up, it’s written all over your face. Please, try to enjoy a movie. Maybe order a couple $10 drinks and the $12 fruit and cheese plate. Say ‘Thanks, Honey’ so your guy gets the gist he’s supposed to pay the flight attendant.
Making connections
Great news! You just arrived. So did everyone else. If the plane is late, you aren’t the only one that has a tight connection. When given the signal to do so, just calmly gather your things and exit the plane when it’s your turn. You can run for your next gate when you get off the plane. If you are really pressed for time, try to make some arrangement with a flight attendant to help you deplane fast. The rest of us will think you are really special.
Read signs, know where you are going in the terminal and be predictable. Keep right (or left if you’re in the UK). If you stop or make a sudden turn without looking, prepare to get run into by the track star from the previous tip running to the next gate. Be aware that the roller board luggage you are towing behind you is a tripping hazard for everyone else when you change directions suddenly.
It is a universal rule to keep walking when exiting an escalator. You didn’t just walk into a store and forgot why you are there.
You can do this! You can be a better traveller.
